Reruns, part six

Originally posted on March 27 2009

Speaking of my last post
(which was entitled "Creator and creations")

Someone turn my brain off so I'll stop wondering about things and coming to conclutions. Most of the time the questions are way more interesting than the answers, yet it's answers we need.

What I was wondering about this time is what you can get for free, and what free is. Is anything ever free. And the answer is, in my opinion, suprisingly, yes. But truly free is only one thing; being born. That's the one thing you can't ask for and if you don't ask for it you're not being offered a favour or gift. It just is. Nothing more or nothing less.

Don't get me wrong, I'm rather grateful for being born, and to my parents for going through the trouble of (hrm) raising me, clothing me and feeding me. But I didn't ask for it. So that's free. Being born is free.

The rest costs not all in money of course, but in time effort and hard work. But you pretty much start on either plus or minus. If you were a planned child you start on plus, because you're something your parents asked for. If you were an unwanted child, shame on your parents, you start on minus as chances are you have quietly been cursed. I hope they gave you up for adoption to live with people who can understand just how wonderful you are, or that your parents came to their senses and realised you were a blessing in disguise.

Either way, the rest is all about plus and minus and money is the shortcut to getting what you want. But money isn't free, as we all know. I was very disapointed when I was about 4 or 5 and planted my 10 kr bill allowance in a pot and expected a money tree to grow. And it didn't. I'm still not sure how it had the nerve to disapoint me in such manner! My grandfather found it all very amusing and gave me 20 kr instead. See how this works? I made an effort and got money for it. Yes I'm trying to prove a point here. Work hard and get rewarded for it. The most commonly accepted under the term "transaction" includes money. But everything is counted in plus and minus.

Then it's the emotional part, but dear god, I'm so torn about that. Relationships are a give and take sort of thing, and hopefully you end up on +/- 0 so that noone feels neglected. That's also hard work. So basically for that hard work you want it to end up on 0. The most rewarding transaction includes people and relationships.

About good deeds then. In an utopian world you do one good thing and get one good thing back. Not sure if I've lived long enough to know if the score evens out eventually. But I do try to be kind, friendly and warmhearted. Some days failing miserably. So I have to compensate the next day and be supernice to the clerk at the gasstation or pay extra attention in class or return a lost wallet. Well maybe I'd like a little extra in the good deeds account. If I fall down I'd like someone to hold me until it stops hurting. Literally and metaphorically.

The 0 returns. When I die I hope to be on 0. To not owe anyone anything and not be owed anything back. Today I believe that's where my peace of mind is. Knowing I've done all I could and everything is at a perfect level. Perhaps life is nothing else that finding that balance. Anything else is just greed.