Early this morning I managed to catch a TV show about Russian mail order brides and found myself pondering the bigger questions. One woman was being supported by a guy, then moved to him, hated England and moved back, they didn't technically break up, so at the end of the show he was still sending her money even though all she had done while visiting him was complain about his house, his habits and him in general, not to mention the country she was in. "I imagined England to be a land of fairy tales, full of castles, princes and princesses." That kind of made me laugh. Expectations can ruin oh so much.
This other guy actually married his girl, in Prauge. It seemed nice and all. Problem was that they couldn't talk to each other. She was from Siberia and he had to go there to convince her family that he was a good guy, and upon arrival he asked her "did you wait long?" and she just looks at him similar to how a bird looks at a senior citizen expecting bread. The second day of his visit they found and interpreter so they could have a proper conversation.
The third scenario cracked me up the most. A guy from Texas was going wife shopping in S:t Petersburg, a trip arranged by a dating company. Of course he had high standards for his new wife. He was 51 years old and had never been married, and his ideal woman, things he wouldn't back down on was that she couldn't be older than 32, she had to be slim and have no children. Needless to say he was a wee bit more humble after the trip. His pick up line was "Hi, this is a picture of my truck".
We also got some statistics in the show, but the only one I remember at the top of my head is that the successrate isn't all that great, only 7.5% of the women signed up on these dating sites meet and stay with a foreign man. Russia has a shortage of men, due to wars, (God, my list of arguments against any kind of wars just grows longer and longer) so it wasn't so much that they wanted out of Russia, so they did have the option of picking and choosing a bit. Something the guy from Texas wasn't counting on. In his ignorant bliss he thought gorgeous women would be lined up and salute him upon his arrival and be impressed by his dyed beard and bad attitude towards women in general.
Eastern Europe is changing and isn't the utopian dream for men who wants a "traditional" woman anymore. Where women change men are forced to change too, and those who can't keep up are forced to be lonley. But then again, there are plenty of desperate women who will put up with their bad behaviour just so that they don't have to be alone.
There are plenty of other aspects of international relationships. No matter how you twist and turn one of you will always be a foreigner, and you can either let that drive a wedge between you or see yourselves as something unique and special. Perhaps it's a good thing you have to fight a little bit, struggle, but doing it together, towards a common goal instead of resting on convenience and availability. I don't see that as the same thing as literally shopping around, however.
Let's say the couple that did get married, him from England, her from Siberia, live happily ever after, and she manages to learn English beyond "Yes, David. No, David. I love you. David" and he manages to learn Russian as well, how do they explain it to their kids? "We spent 8 days together before we got married." If you're going to spend the rest of your life together with someone, don't you owe it to yourself, and your partner to be fully aware of what you're getting yourself into?
The struggle should be about being with the one you love, not making the one you love love you back, and it most certainly shouldn't be about having enough money to buy her a pretty dress when she's homesick.
Someone that truly loves you does so on your bad days as well, an argument doesn't mean the end, and all those clichés, but my favorite must be not all that not all that glitters is gold. So, before you marry, live together, before you have children, have a pet together. If he doesn't empty the litterbox he won't change a diaper. Not saying that should end it all, but then at least you know what to expect, and you can decide if it's something you're willing to live with.
This other guy actually married his girl, in Prauge. It seemed nice and all. Problem was that they couldn't talk to each other. She was from Siberia and he had to go there to convince her family that he was a good guy, and upon arrival he asked her "did you wait long?" and she just looks at him similar to how a bird looks at a senior citizen expecting bread. The second day of his visit they found and interpreter so they could have a proper conversation.
The third scenario cracked me up the most. A guy from Texas was going wife shopping in S:t Petersburg, a trip arranged by a dating company. Of course he had high standards for his new wife. He was 51 years old and had never been married, and his ideal woman, things he wouldn't back down on was that she couldn't be older than 32, she had to be slim and have no children. Needless to say he was a wee bit more humble after the trip. His pick up line was "Hi, this is a picture of my truck".
We also got some statistics in the show, but the only one I remember at the top of my head is that the successrate isn't all that great, only 7.5% of the women signed up on these dating sites meet and stay with a foreign man. Russia has a shortage of men, due to wars, (God, my list of arguments against any kind of wars just grows longer and longer) so it wasn't so much that they wanted out of Russia, so they did have the option of picking and choosing a bit. Something the guy from Texas wasn't counting on. In his ignorant bliss he thought gorgeous women would be lined up and salute him upon his arrival and be impressed by his dyed beard and bad attitude towards women in general.
Eastern Europe is changing and isn't the utopian dream for men who wants a "traditional" woman anymore. Where women change men are forced to change too, and those who can't keep up are forced to be lonley. But then again, there are plenty of desperate women who will put up with their bad behaviour just so that they don't have to be alone.
There are plenty of other aspects of international relationships. No matter how you twist and turn one of you will always be a foreigner, and you can either let that drive a wedge between you or see yourselves as something unique and special. Perhaps it's a good thing you have to fight a little bit, struggle, but doing it together, towards a common goal instead of resting on convenience and availability. I don't see that as the same thing as literally shopping around, however.
Let's say the couple that did get married, him from England, her from Siberia, live happily ever after, and she manages to learn English beyond "Yes, David. No, David. I love you. David" and he manages to learn Russian as well, how do they explain it to their kids? "We spent 8 days together before we got married." If you're going to spend the rest of your life together with someone, don't you owe it to yourself, and your partner to be fully aware of what you're getting yourself into?
The struggle should be about being with the one you love, not making the one you love love you back, and it most certainly shouldn't be about having enough money to buy her a pretty dress when she's homesick.
Someone that truly loves you does so on your bad days as well, an argument doesn't mean the end, and all those clichés, but my favorite must be not all that not all that glitters is gold. So, before you marry, live together, before you have children, have a pet together. If he doesn't empty the litterbox he won't change a diaper. Not saying that should end it all, but then at least you know what to expect, and you can decide if it's something you're willing to live with.
4 comments:
Um, maybe the Texas guy will marry me? I like mullets and trucks and shit kickers! On the other hand, i agree. One can not make someone love them nor can they make themselves love someone in a week. Money should have nothing to do with it, nor distance, nor past experiences. And yes, expectations can ruin anything. Love just happens when it happens and when it does, grab onto it, enjoy it, and see what beauty comes of it. <3
okay, i take it back, now that you have filled me in on the Texas redneck. I don't care how sexy his mullet is, he's just...ewwwwwwwwww.
mullet...hahahahaha
the simple fact that he was from this god forsaken state, that ALONE, mullet or not, redneck or not, should've been reason enough for a big red DENIED stamp on his forehead.
I just can't get over the fact that he dyed his beard! Or that he wore white socks in his cowboy boots. COWBOY BOOTS and 51 year old man and "Hi this is a pic of my truck" ...
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