I think I might have moved

To here http://eskoliven.wordpress.com Not sure though. I might be back. You never know.

Some things I find amusing about my cats

- How the Knit hugs the water glass when he drinks
- That he prefers his water from a glass, not a bowl
- That the Milo brings me toys
- That they seem to view me using the bathroom as entertainment. I keep expecting them to bring popcorn.
- That the fat one is the one that eats the least
- The sounds they make when they see a bird outside the window
- How scared Milo gets when we're outside
- How the Knit thinks I'm just in the way when we're outside
- How they both want to lay on top of me
- How they run around when I change the sheets
- Milo's screaming
- The Knit's insistent short meow when he wants something
- How yelling the word "yumyums!" will make them come flying within a nano second
- How the Knit tries to fit into boxes half his size, boxes he'd actually fit into he has no interest in
- How Milo assumes I want to wake up at 4:30 every morning
- How they clean each other
- How they play together
- How puffy their cheeks are
- That they both know how to play fetch
- How they both understand the command of "sit"
- How Milo watches TV
- How they sit just out of reach when I want to pet them
- How the Milo skids across the floor

Abandoned places, abandoned people

There's a certain allure in walking away and leaving things the way they were. Leaving people the way you remember them to hold on to the idea that you can one day return and pick it up, just the way that it was. A life you could possibly continue even though you would right now want something else. You're not quite ready to let go, but you're ready to move on to something different. It doesn't even have to be that you're ready, it's just that you need to. The age old thing of having the cake and eating it too (she said as she broke the head of a chocolate Easter bunny and immediately mourned for the death of the adorable shape of its well thought out and cute design).

It also holds an element of nostalgia. The older I get my perception of the past seems to change into something more positive. Not necessarily that I forget about negativity, but it's the devil I know. It's the devil you, know. It's the devil, you know, because no matter how much you'd love for the places and people you leave behind to hibernate, sit in wait, for you to return, they won't. Places change, people change, and the only way they will possibly change in a direction you can keep track of is to be with them. It's difficult to influence from afar.

Change is rarely dramatic, much more often subtle, and it takes some effort to see it. Just like spring takes its time (Visst gör det ont när knoppar brister / Varför skulle våren annars tveka) the nuances that make up people grind their way through to conciousness. A small change in the way they speak, an ever so slight alternation to their gait, are you there to witness them blossom or do you prefer to ignore their transformations because it's easier to keep them the way they've survived in your mind?

Time never comes to halt. We see this phenomena in popculture, you know the type of films where the nerd comes back for a revenge on its bullies. Rushing towards them with their success, ready to show off how much better they've become from moving away and making something of themselves. This only works if the bullies have remained static. Doesn't then the nerd do exactly the same thing they hated the bullies doing, limiting someone, putting them into a box of what someone else thinks a person should be? We all change, some for the better and some for the worse. I'm not going to deny the fact that some change more than others, but change is necessary, without it we can't live. Noone can be completely stagnant. Experiences can be humbling, both for bully and nerd.

I'd like to think that everyone's lives hold the same amount of grief and happiness, it just differs in which order we live through them, and naturally, what happens first is what'll affect us the most. Some simply need more time to reach the same point of maturity. That is why you should never consider yourself to be more than anyone else if you look at it from the bigger perspective. Upon the point of old age, or death, we should all be  somewhat equal. We will all have experienced love, loss of the same, hardship and success, dreams and their realisation.

So, when you come back, don't fear nature having reclaimed the streets of your childhood, don't fear the cracked paving, the new buildings, the new pulse of life, the unfamiliar scents mixed with the ones you used to know. Embrace the wonder of them, just like you should the people you left behind. Perhaps you can find something new in them, something you knew was there but you were busy disliking other aspects to see.

Freedom is a curse

I believe in justice and fairness for all. I also believe that not all are capable of knowing as much as they should. The idea of freedom is a brilliant one. All things possible for all. The world is yours, just go help yourself. It's ripe with promises and colour. You can be anything you want, do anything you want.

First off, I hate to tell you this, but,  freedom is an illusion. We're not free. In historical comparison we may seem free, but as long as there are other people in this world you will never be free. Without them you'd be even less free. I'll return to this.

If we take a life as an example, one in The Free World, I will try to illustrate before you shake your head and think "nonsense", and show how it's in fact an illusion. Alright. Let's go. A child is born. First problem, not so much for the child, but for the parents, choose a name. Shouldn't be so hard to do, if it wasn't for the fact that the poor creature will have to carry the mark of a name for the rest of its life. Make it a good one, folks. Moving forward a couple of years, which toys to choose? Who should be the friends of this little example person? Which toys are chosen are very much tied into who the friends happen to be. Groups of children, all dealing with peer pressure. Where's the freedom in trying to please and fit in? While faced with the choices at the toystore it may seem like endless possibilities. Hardly, those products are placed there with the sly intention of making money out of  innocent games. (And sometimes they're not even that innocent. Those who claim all children are nice and sweet have obviously forgotten their own childhoods.) It's a bit mumbled, but what I'm really trying to say that in the freedom of choice, the choices offered are limited, based on social status and production.

Later on, there are choices concerning career, family and location. How could this not be overwhelming? To some of us the choices are more limited. But truthfully they're limited to all of us. Surely in the more democratic parts of the world you could go for whatever you'd like and hope that you make it. Problem is, however, that when you fail, and God knows that you will fail at one point, the responsibility is yours. There is noone to blame for anything, noone but yourself. Maybe your university plan didn't turn out, maybe not even your high school either. It's your own fault. You should have tried harder. You're not worthy of the greater things. Simple. This usually leads to you not getting your dream career. It's still your fault. Let's just ignore the fact that there's only a limited amount of space for success. If we were all equally successful, noone'd be successful at all. It's just the way of what we like to call The Free World. Family then. Decide on who you want to be with, if anyone. Didn't want you back? Your own fault, you should have been better. No children coming along when you wanted to? Your own fault, you incomplete human being. Too many children? Should have been more careful. Want to live on the moon? Well you can't, silly. You can choose where you live, from this list of possibilities. If none of the choices are what you want you're just going to have to deal with it. You can't even really choose which country, most are basically stuck where they were born. How does that make you free? As far as I can tell it's just a recipe for migraines and broken hearts. And that guilt of not having lived up to your potential.

I do have a point, I'm sure, but I have so many words to choose from, yet none of them quite fit. How can one argue for more control, for a society where choices are taken away from you when the world has been about making us more free for so long? What I'd like to know is if people could be happy as slaves, as poor farmers, as factory workers, as housekeepers. I do believe they could, but viewed through the eyes of a freedom seeker the very essence of happiness would be lost on them. How could someone be happy if they were stuck in a fate they hadn't chosen?

Simple. Imagine a life without regrets, without ever feeling torn, without ever fearing making a mistake. Imagine a world where you could always find the right answers to all your questions. Imagine resting assured that everything would be ok as long as you just do as you're told and know your place. Would that really be such a horrible life to lead? It could be, if you failed to accept and submit to your ticket in life. But we have that now don't we? It's easy to end up in a place you don't feel like you chose even though all millions of tiny choices have lead you exactly to where you are but there's nowhere to turn with the question of "So now what am I supposed to do?".

As long as the world you live in is ruled by the idea of freedom being right you'll always be living in a fake one. Your choices are limited and you will rarely get something that is completely yours, and yours alone. If you have something desirable others will want it to, and they're free to take it from you.  You will have to bend to what the majority wants, even if you find that you never quite agree. Your home is limited by construction, cost and products offered to put in it. Your time is limited by what you have to do to maintain your freedom. If you make a mistake you have to clean it up, even if it's a simple thing like staying home from work for a month, just because you didn't feel like going. Complete freedom is only having to do what you want. Noone is that free.

Then, if we leave anything financial to the side we have all those people you depend on. They won't act the way you want them to. Sometimes they might, but that's their choice. It just happened to coincide with what you wanted. What we mustn't forget is that freedom is controlling your own world. You can't control others. Most of us can't even really control ourselves. Also, you need others to produce things for you. No man is an island and all that. The idea of freedom is that we should be kings and queens of our own worlds. But we all live in the same world, and you can't have it your way. I know, I know, but you really can't.

Again, I state that freedom is an illusion, cursing us to a life with so many "what ifs" and feelings of not being enough, of not having tried hard enough, of being a failed project of perfection. Maybe a dictatorship taking care of all those boring things would be preferable. One that makes sure we all have jobs and make a decent living. One that educates the youth and provides us with what we need. All we have to do is obey and accept.  It'd save oh so many sleepless nights wondering about how to make something out of yourself.

Freedom is a curse, promising everything to everyone and denying the mediocre everything at the same time.

You and your Face-book

This will hold many elements of throwing rocks in stone houses, so perhaps I should explain so I can be misunderstood correctly. I use Facebook. Often. Daily. This will also be my perfect argument for being right, as I refuse to be one of those criticising a product without actually using it. I'm also fully aware that Facebook has been discussed enough for a hobbit's foothair to get bored of the subject.

It's the stupidity involving Facebook that I hold closest to heart. Articles such as this . There are thousands of them, I just picked one at random. People being fired because of what they've said about their employer on Facebook. Really. This is so easy to avoid. Either don't add your boss as a friend, or make sure your privacy settings don't allow people you aren't friends with can see your wall. Seriously, how difficult can that possibly be? It's not really Facebook's fault that you a) hate your job, b) are an idiot. The tools to avoid this scenario are there.

Then there's another matter, one that doesn't only apply to Facebook, but all Internet activity; the one about embarrassing pictures of you. You know the kind, you're drunk, you're seminaked, you're doing something illegal. They will haunt you forever they say. Sure, might be so. Two things, are you really that important to the human race that anyone cares about your behind or your nipples and what are you doing putting such images in a forum where they can be found by anyone? If you feel you must have your privates or drunkeness displayed online, why not do it under a fake name so that they can't be located by a simple visit to Google? It's not rocket science. Keep what you want to have private away from places where they'll no longer be private. Relating it to Facebook again, as that is what I said I would mainly dedicate this post to, check your privacy settings once more. I'm also aware of the complication of others posting images of you. You can't really control that as much, other that to try to behave yourself by cameras.

Continuing down the route of images. I'll try to keep it brief, the Internet has made our attentionspans oh so short, after all. Do we really need pictures of every second of our lives? Two things, are you really so important that people look at all those pictures of you, your clothes, your flower arrangement, your drive way, your dirty floors, your newly dyed hair, you puking in the bushes after that awesome party and how much of actually living did you miss while taking pictures and posing? All rhetorical questions, my answers are all implied. There's sharing, and there's sharing too much. We should be more selective when it comes to what we let others see. Whatever happened to showing pictures only to those who care about what they're of? You know, dog pictures to people who like dogs, prom pictures to those who went to the prom, or possibly your grandmother, and so on.

Most of us have hundreds of friends on Facebook (well, I don't have hundreds, but that's because I'm not cool), but how many of these are actually our friends? I can look at my wall and come to the conclusion that my actual friendships aren't very well represented there. One of my best friends doesn't even have an account. Jeez, she can't be a true friend then, she didn't comment on my latest status. Then I also have friends who I only communicate with on Facebook. I don't call them, I don't see them, I know nothing about them. Shallow acquaintances. That doesn't mean they don't occasionally make me laugh or make me grind my teeth. It'd be better if Facebook distinguished, or simply didn't call it friends, but something like "contacts" instead. Hopefully my real friends know I appreciate them even if I don't post on their walls on a daily basis.

Endless detailing in status updates. Again the question is if you're important enough for anyone to care. All I can think of is that you're making yourself vulnerable for stalkers if you are in fact that important. They'd know when you left your house to go to the store, which shelf you're currently standing at and when you'll be home alone. Another category of status updates that walk on my last nerve are the passive aggressive ones, you know the kind "Nobody likes me, nobody cares, I'm so bored, I hate you - you know who you are". Same with superperky or religious ones. Of course I'm aware of that thing we call freedom of speech, so you're free to post whatever you like. I'll exercise my own right to do as I please and I'll hide you from my feed and write a slightly passive aggressive blogpost about it. It's all rather ironic, and irony amuses me. Unlike the latest news about your offspring's cold, your own stomach flu, your going to church or latest purchase. What's with all the negativity, anyway? Oh, I know, I know, this post is rather negative, but like I said, irony amuses me.

With sites like Facebook we can all be rockstars. Display ourselves as we want to be, decide which side is the most flattering and only show that. We can be interesting, entertaining and social. We can share so much of ourselves that the search results after googling match those of a celebrity. Not really, but maybe if you compare the result to what it would have been in 1995. There's so much information, so many pictures that we're drowning in a stream of them. Once more I ask, are you really that important? Oh, I should probably add that Facebook has a setting you can adjust, whether or not to allow third parties, such as search engines to be able to access things you have posted, including your name.

As with everything else there are two ways of looking at it, you can either make your Facebook about you, or your friends. If you like having all that information about yourself out there, by all means share, if it's about your friends, take a moment to think about what they'd like to see before you share. They do go hand in hand, I'm aware of that. Maybe I'm being cynical again, but I honestly don't think pictures of myself or details about my every day life are that interesting, and those I'm important to already know anyway. No need to waste server space on that.

To put it in plain English, as plain as it can be from someone with Swedish as a first language, I have posted too many pictures of my cats, too many pictures  of my driveway - yes, one is one too many, I have made noninteresting status updates, but I have never posted anything with the intention to hurt anyone's feelings, to brag (I might not be cool, but I'm incredible), and I'd like to think I've never posted anything remotely related to self pity, even when I pity myself the most. So, how many of these things am I guilty of? A few, quite a few actually. How do you think I know it's all stupid?

I have many suggestions as to how to improve Facebook, ones who would make it more user friendly, and in that lessen the critique, so if a representative of Facebook would like to contact me and offer me oodles of money for my ideas, don't hesitate to do so.

A cover

Truth be told

The other night I watched a TV show about body language. Towards the end of it a woman demonstrated her company's new software, one which detects lies in the voice. She said something down the lines of that "now you can tell if someone isn't being truthful, their voice will always give them away."

Question is, do we always want to be told the truth or are there times where lies are necessary and the preferred option? The mere fact that I'm asking that question should imply the answer. We need lies, they're social lubrication. We simply wouldn't function without lies. Naturally it'd be slightly mean to tell big lies and deceive but the same goes for telling the truth too much. It can be quite hurtful on an unnecessary level.

The classic example is being asked "how are you?", we know better than to always be truthful, and reply with the nonanswer of "fine, thanks". There is a time and place to tell the truth, and lies fill the void. Now if everyone walked around with a computer equipped with that software and it constantly told us when someone's lying we'd waste so much time. I know I would refuse to speak at all. I don't want anyone to know everything about me, and everytime that screen'd say "plausible lie" a doubt would begin to grow. Not so much about what the truth actually is, but why I lied.

Always expecting others to tell the truth is also mighty selfish. What right do you have to pry? If something's kept from you it's for a reason. Is it really desirable to draw something out that's obviously not intended for you? It has to do with respect and trust. Trust the liar. Those little lies are told because the liar feels the need to lie, could be for privacy reasons, or in order to protect you from something, or they simply might not want to divulge in the matter any further, for interest reasons.

Using the social context we can notice other things, just as we don't act the same around family as we do as friends we modify our stories to be appropriate, and in saying modify I mean we lie. When you haven't called someone back, do you say "I didn't feel like it" or do you say "I've been a bit busy"? When a meal you're served tastes bad, and you can't finish it, do you say "Oh god, this is disgusting, I can't eat this", or do you say "I had  a big lunch"?

Taking away our lies, completely, is taking away our ability to interact with each other on a civilised basis, one of the things that separates us from animals. One could simply claim that it's human to lie, and that lying defines us as human beings.

I can't remember the details, but I have read articles about lies, that we tell a surprising  amount of lies every day. Then I try to think about what I've lied about, because surely it must have been something. Maybe it's as simple as not knowing and then answering anyway can count as a lie. It borders on the question of what a lie is. When does bending the truth become a lie, and when does not telling become keeping secrets? I suppose keeping secrets falls into that category of social lubrication as well. It goes with being selfish. Our secrets are really only interesting to ourselves, everyone else is too busy with their own.

Personally I'd like to say that if you're asked a direct question and instead of saying "I don't know", or "I'd rather not tell you" that should be something. That kind of integrity deserves respect, not suspicion. Naturally, if there's a matter that directly concerns your wellbeing you should be told the truth and be trusted enough for the other person to know that you can handle the information, but sometimes we should just be grateful that we're important enough to be lied to.