Poems I wish I had written, part thirteen (For Ana)

maggie and milly and molly and may
ee cummings
10

maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

Just words

If I was to go to the willowtree.

My not so secret secrets

When I was but a little girl the women of my family decided to pass on their heritage of things they felt makes it easier to deal with men. Some of these things have served me well over the years, some have well, not worked. I've always been proud of my generosity, so I'm spreading the words of the (slutty, charming, irresistable, manipulative and capitvating) women of my clan.

1) Never come between a man and food.
2) Never come between a man and sports.
3) Never come between a man and his friends.
4) Never come between a man and his mother. (I always included the whole family in this)
5) Never come between a man and sleep.
6) Never come between a man and TV.

That's basically it. I think the point of it was to not seem pushy and needy, but instead there have been times where it made me feel lonely and neglected, so the rules only work to an extent. For the next generation (if there'll be one) I'd like to alter the rules a bit to be the following. To see how they work I'll try them on myself.

1) Show respect, respecting without showing it is pointless.
2) Show understanding, understanding without showing it is pointless.
3) Show love, loving without showing it is pointless.
4) Apply 1-3 both to him and yourself.
5) Expect him to apply 1-3 to you as well.

Their advice is a bit more concrete, but I always felt they implied I should come last, step out of the way and not demand much for myself. Also, I look at the track record for the women who said these things and I can't help but to think that yes, maybe they were on to something, but if the advice was perfect, wouldn't their loves have been the greatest love stories of all times?

♥♥ Happy Birthday, Milo! ♥♥

Instead of sharing how I found you I'll share what you are. My Milo is pure and gentle kindness. The torn wallpaper, the eaten plants, the broken pots, the destroyed belongings are nothing, they can all be replaced. The Fur of Destruction is one of a kind and I'm so grateful I get to play with you, pet you, pick you up and kiss you every day.

I love how you're always in the way, I love how you wake me up by kneading on my shoulders, I love how you meowingly bring me toys, I love how you get so incredibly happy when I come home, I love how you sleep on me, I love how kooky you are, I love how you plop down on my face, I love how many hugs you want, I love how you get ecstatic when you're having treats, I love how you do everything with intensity, you're either hardcore snuggling, hardcore sleeping or hardcore playing. Half of the guests I have come to see you more than they do to see me.

And now you're three. I lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove the Milo. Happy birthday you goofy cat!

How's this for a Tuesday?

I'm standing on the brink of having the time of my life. It's as if I've always been waiting. I've missed before, but never longed with such intensity.

I second that motion

How this is right now

I keep intending to make a proper post, I start and such, but then, vi kan väl vänta tills imorgon?

Second chances

A quick session with google teaches me that "Instant success" provides me with 8,240,000 results while as "Instant failure" gives me 6,370,000 results. That must by logic mean that instant success is more common that instant failure. Not really. It doesn't give away how many times something else has been tried without the wanted result. Simple example. Ads for any kind of weightloss related item such as drugs, diets or excerise. We're often fed the line of "I had tried every diet, from eating cardboard to drinking gasoline, but with this I have insant results". I wouldn't call it instant if you had tried something similar, but it's the idea of succeeding at something right away that holds a certain lure. The fact that there is an answer out there that will take the worry out, and sometimes even the hard work. But the question remains, can we have success without failing?

Yes, of course we can, but they're not failures until after the fact. Before you start the game you're still winning, it's not until it's over that you have lost. But then you can play again, and maybe that time you will win. For myself I can't say I've done anything that didn't take a few attempts. Sure, I've had success in details, but in the bigger picture I've always failed. I choose not to see them as failures, but only finding a way that didn't work. A trail and error kind of thing. It's how I generally get by. Like the one in a relationship is successful at it, but not counting the amount of exes, they just didn't work out. Simple.

There's really nothing in life that doesn't offer second chances. Only death. You can't change the way you die, because you are after all dead and then you don't have anything to do with life anyway. This also goes with making mistakes, obviously. They're never mistakes until after the fact, when you have to face the consequences (59,400,000 results), the fallout of what you've done. But they're fixable too, everything's fixable. When it comes to people that's only half true, you can't go back in time and start things over, same with job interviews, if you didn't get the job you just didn't get it. Does it mean it's a waste of time to try and risk failure, risk making a mistake? No. Everything you do builds on to who you are, it makes you even greater than you were before. So the bigger mistake would have been to not try at all.

At times it's as easy as deciding between fixing your make up because you smudge the eyeliner, or wash it all off and start over? Depends on the error. Some people you let go of, some jobs you let go of, some ideals you let go of but there'll always be something to fill the void, it can be hard to see, but not impossible. Sometimes you just say "I'm sorry" and mean it, sometimes you work a bit harder to get to where you want to be, sometimes you find that maybe something else suited you better, something else was more convincing and true. When you've been in those situations a couple of times you know what to do. Ha! Making the same so called mistakes over and over is good for you!

Habits change over time with the smallest quakes, it occasionally rumbles and storms when it all falls apart for you to build anew, either way you come out the other side. And if you don't, you're dead, and if you're dead you can't read this, so you know I'm right.

So, to sum it up, you'll always get a second chance in life, one way or the other. Everything will be just fine. I promise. And honestly, has anything ever turned out exactly the way you planned?

(You can only change what you do to yourself and others, you can't change what others have done to you, only make sure it doesn't happen again)

Poems I wish I had written, part twelve

Things
by Lisel Mueller

What happened is, we grew lonely
living among the things,
so we gave the clock a face,
the chair a back,
the table four stout legs
which will never suffer fatigue.

We fitted our shoes with tongues
as smooth as our own
and hung tongues inside bells
so we could listen
to their emotional language,

and because we loved graceful profiles
the pitcher received a lip,
the bottle a long, slender neck.

Even what was beyond us
was recast in our image;
we gave the country a heart,
the storm an eye,
the cave a mouth
so we could pass into safety.

Enjoy the Silence Remix Reinterpreted by Mike Shinoda - Depeche Mode

I kind of like this version better. But not really. Just kind of.

Lines

Occasionally lines flash through my head, ones that aren't very useful for much of anything. I do however collect them in my own bank of things I could say. I suppose it ties in with that I intend to one day have the perfect thing to say for everything I'm faced with or something to build something else on top of. I'll let you sample. Unless they've been honoured with quotationmarks it's a Molly original.

I don't need to quote you for you to know I hang by your every word.

If what you just said was a raspberry I'd eat it all up, even though it was kind of sour.

You're just a lifesupport system but what kind of life you're supporting I do not know.

You fill me better than air does a balloon animal.

Everybody's somebody's leftovers.

I'll just take this pink elephant for a walk.

"Stars should be shared, they are far too big for just one person."

Sometimes you eat the cookie, sometimes the cookie eats you.

The butterflies are laying on his chest like armour.

♥♥ Happy Birthday, Knit! ♥♥

One fall day in 2003 I saw a bunch of kittens jumping around, round bellies and triangular tails, by the outside building. Of course I had to go over there with some food and of course only one kitten was brave (or hungry) enough to come out. He was laying on the paper plate, arms stretched out, growling as he was eating. I couldn't help but pet him, and later on pick him up, just a litte bit to see what it was like... I could feel every bone and he reminded me of a small bird. Later that night he was found again. In the drive way, meaning he crossed the whole yard, wobbling. He couldn't even walk like a real cat yet. I was just going to let him stay in the house over the night, after all he was very tiny and the night could be quite chilly. But when I came down to the drive way he was nowhere to be found! I looked under the cars, checked the grass, and then I looked down by my foot, and there he was. My wonderful little Snowball. My intention really was to let him back outside the next day, but by that time his mother was gone, the other kittens were still there, but he was much smaller than them. Only weighing 125 grams he needed me almost as much as I needed him.

It's been seven years, he's all grown up but he's still my baby Knit. Have a happy birthday you marvellous thing!

Oh em gee

Oh my word, I feel compelled to write a blog full of complaints. I have many. Well, two at least, but that's plenty enough.

1.) That damn blog I keep going to that always annoys me. It annoys me that it annoys me. It annoys me that I go to it in the first place. I can get annoyed by the content, but I even more so by the grammar and spelling. I'm oh so tempted to correct it all and put it as a comment. But I know that the keeper of the blog tracks her visitors so I can't do that. Give me the strength to overlook stupidity. Now, I know I do my fair share of grammatical errors and quite creative spelling at times, but not in my native language. Have you no pride, woman?! Rhetorical question, of course you don't. Part of why I don't like you very much. Am I a snob? I must be.

2.) Dogs. I just don't understand them. I don't understand why people like them. They're seriously smelly. They have to go outside all the time. They make a mess! They need to eat at regular hours or they whine. They jump on stuff. It's the whining I really can't stand. The whining and the smell. Yes, I get the irony, I'm whining about them, and honestly, I could probably stand to take a shower. Difference is I will take a shower whereas dogs don't care. They're fine with being dirty. They're that stupid. Have they no pride?! Rhetorical question, of course they don't. Part of why I don't like them very much. Am I a snob? I must be.

Poems I wish I had written, part eleven

Från en stygg flicka
Karin Boye

Jag hoppas du inte alls har det bra.
Jag hoppas du ligger vaken som jag
och känner dig lustigt glad och rörd
och yr och ängslig och mycket störd.

Och rätt som det är, så får du brått
att lägga dig rätt för att sova gott.
Jag hoppas det dröjer en liten stund...
Jag hoppas du inte får en blund!

(From a bad girl

I hope you're having a rotten time.
I hope you're lying awake like I am,
and feeling strangely glad and stirred
and dizzy and anxious and very disturbed.

and suddenly you'll hurry up
to settle down and sleep like a top.
I hope it takes you longer than you think...
I hope you don't even get a wink!

Translated by David McDuff)