A cover

Truth be told

The other night I watched a TV show about body language. Towards the end of it a woman demonstrated her company's new software, one which detects lies in the voice. She said something down the lines of that "now you can tell if someone isn't being truthful, their voice will always give them away."

Question is, do we always want to be told the truth or are there times where lies are necessary and the preferred option? The mere fact that I'm asking that question should imply the answer. We need lies, they're social lubrication. We simply wouldn't function without lies. Naturally it'd be slightly mean to tell big lies and deceive but the same goes for telling the truth too much. It can be quite hurtful on an unnecessary level.

The classic example is being asked "how are you?", we know better than to always be truthful, and reply with the nonanswer of "fine, thanks". There is a time and place to tell the truth, and lies fill the void. Now if everyone walked around with a computer equipped with that software and it constantly told us when someone's lying we'd waste so much time. I know I would refuse to speak at all. I don't want anyone to know everything about me, and everytime that screen'd say "plausible lie" a doubt would begin to grow. Not so much about what the truth actually is, but why I lied.

Always expecting others to tell the truth is also mighty selfish. What right do you have to pry? If something's kept from you it's for a reason. Is it really desirable to draw something out that's obviously not intended for you? It has to do with respect and trust. Trust the liar. Those little lies are told because the liar feels the need to lie, could be for privacy reasons, or in order to protect you from something, or they simply might not want to divulge in the matter any further, for interest reasons.

Using the social context we can notice other things, just as we don't act the same around family as we do as friends we modify our stories to be appropriate, and in saying modify I mean we lie. When you haven't called someone back, do you say "I didn't feel like it" or do you say "I've been a bit busy"? When a meal you're served tastes bad, and you can't finish it, do you say "Oh god, this is disgusting, I can't eat this", or do you say "I had  a big lunch"?

Taking away our lies, completely, is taking away our ability to interact with each other on a civilised basis, one of the things that separates us from animals. One could simply claim that it's human to lie, and that lying defines us as human beings.

I can't remember the details, but I have read articles about lies, that we tell a surprising  amount of lies every day. Then I try to think about what I've lied about, because surely it must have been something. Maybe it's as simple as not knowing and then answering anyway can count as a lie. It borders on the question of what a lie is. When does bending the truth become a lie, and when does not telling become keeping secrets? I suppose keeping secrets falls into that category of social lubrication as well. It goes with being selfish. Our secrets are really only interesting to ourselves, everyone else is too busy with their own.

Personally I'd like to say that if you're asked a direct question and instead of saying "I don't know", or "I'd rather not tell you" that should be something. That kind of integrity deserves respect, not suspicion. Naturally, if there's a matter that directly concerns your wellbeing you should be told the truth and be trusted enough for the other person to know that you can handle the information, but sometimes we should just be grateful that we're important enough to be lied to.

A while ago

I remember pale spring mornings with the sun beating my eyes without mercy. I kept them closed. 

I'm always in the wrong season.

Is it possible to sum up this year when what I've really learnt is that everything can change over the course of a day?

I loved those pale spring mornings. In summer, I will remember these bleak Arctic cold days fondly. 

I'm always in the wrong season and there's no better place to be.

Poems I wish I had written, part fifteen

He is more than a hero
he is a god in my eyes—
the man who is allowed
to sit beside you — he

who listens intimately
to the sweet murmur of
your voice, the enticing

laughter that makes my own
heart beat fast. If I meet
you suddenly, I can't

speak — my tongue is broken;
a thin flame runs under
my skin; seeing nothing,

hearing only my own ears
drumming, I drip with sweat;
trembling shakes my body

and I turn paler than
dry grass. At such times
death isn't far from me.

- Sappho

Poems I wish I had written, part fourteen

Waiting
John Burroughs

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,
For lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,
For what avails this eager pace?
I stand amid the eternal ways,
And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,
The friends I seek are seeking me;
No wind can drive my bark astray,
Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?
I wait with joy the coming years;
My heart shall reap where it hath sown,
And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw
The brook that springs in yonder height;
So flows the good with equal law
Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;
The tidal wave unto the sea;
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,
Can keep my own away from me.

Those two words turned out to be the same

Trust, Middle English truste (“trust, protection”) from Old Norse traust (“confidence, help, protection”), which is now Tröst.

I find tröst in one I trust

Thank you for the protection, confidence and help.